Have you ever been in the dark for so long thinking that your not alone, but when you come out, you come out to the knowledge that you just might of been alone. Its like hearing something last when everyone around you already knows, it's just pretty sad but.

Seated in the chair of comfort, I was called by a strange song that I wanted to dance to. My body would make me move to its rhythm and I'd find myself dancing, which is something I don't do but when that song plays I just can't stand or rather sit there. You know, it just feels so wrong to stand. Turns out I was the only one who didn't hear that song all along, by the time I heard it I was the only one seated.

For a while I was quiet sad

Unspoken

This is a poem I wrote about 3 years ago, I was reminded by it via a post my boyfriend wrote on Facebook recently so I thought I'd share it with you. Enjoy.

xxx

They say some things are better left unsaid,
but deeds done never leave words unspoken,
for betrayal leaves a good heart brocken.
Am saddened by the things i can't tell you;

I tell you everything because to you i want to be true.

Some say i have trust issues but i am just doing to you
what i would like you to do to me.
You see hiding is like lying;
it's not about protecting the other person but yourself!
the heart starts to wonder when it's source of love feeds off uncertainty,
for doubt is a ground for roots that don't grow
so pain makes the process go slow.

Joy is the foundation of love and they say love bares all things
but how can this prove to be love if we don't bare all things
because if we don't bare all things, then this can't be love.
Communication is the key
but blame changes the locks
so what is the door to be?

I tell you, nothing is better left unsaid
for many are destroyed by that which is unknown.

                                                                                       
                                                                                                     Siphesihle Sihlayi

The power lies in our choices



These words reminded me of my high school Afrikaans teacher.

 One of my high school teacher said something that i will never forget as she stood in front of our class crying, because we never really listened to her and made it hard for her to teach. She said the reason she always came back to our class even though she had said she will never teach us again is because she loved being a teacher and we were not that important that we can change that.

She went on to say alot of other things that everyone in class was actually quiet, we were actually listening to her for once. She then went on to say; "you know, we have choices in life nd how we choose to feel can never be blamed on anyone but yourself" she continued with a story as an example of what she meant,

"if you were to take a bucket of water and pour it on me right now, I would be angry and maybe beat you up for that. So in a sence I'd say you made me angry, but in actual truth you made me wet, I just chose to be angry about it and instead of drying myself, I chose to beat you up."
Joyce Meyer once said, our emotions are under our authority, we are in control of them and not the other way around.
There also is anothre saying that that goes "no one can hurt you without your permission" Well, just thought I'd share in this secret.

XOXO

God's got this



Fear? What's that?... But I got God.



My biggest fear is living a life far less then the one Christ died for me to have. My biggest desire is to accomplish all that God has planned for me. The greatest news however is that I was never given a spirit of fear but of love, power or sound mind. Hence I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

I mean if God called me out for it, I can get it, I just need to believe and have faith, act it all out and just be. I love Jesus! So fear is just a tiny cat in a huge shadow pretending to be a lion, we just take courage by putting the lights on :) seems hard? Not at all right?! God's got this! You got God?



Something has got to give

 



Our weaknesses should never be the reason we back down

   On one Sunday I was walking to church with my son in my arms. The walk took plus minus 25 minutes and along the way I was praying to God for a lift, it was hot and my baby was heavy, I was tired!

 Answering my prayers, God sent some one to give us a lift and guess what? I didn't take it! I was like, no thanks. Now this got me thinking, how many times we ask God for things but when He actually gives them to us, we are like no thanks.


We fear taking on new paths, we get comfortable with our current situations, we feel we not ready all of a sudden or we just not willing to put in some effort or make certain sacrifices. It's pretty sad huh? And quiet stupid if you look at it in the way of my Sunday story. But does this label us as people who don't know what they want? Because some look at us like that when we actually want to get to the other side but are afraid to cross the bridge or jump! Sweety how else are you gonna get there?

Truth is everything in this life has a principle, and only those principles get you there, just like how only Jesus is the way to the father "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the father except trough me" - John 14:6 So next time we ask for something, make sure you prepared to do what it takes to get it. Love and passion always help, because when you really have a passion for something and love it whole heartedly then you will break through the toughest wall, just to get it.

Jesus died on the cross to pursue us, remember? Well with that being said.

Take care

Daddy please come home

Today it's my dad's birthday and i don't know where he is. He left home a month ago and left all his stuff behind, even his cellphone. I just hope he has an amazing day and that where ever he is, he knows that we love him very much. I miss it when he laughs, and share jokes with me, I miss it when he plays with my son, how he always understands and his warm huggs. I'm scared he might never come back and that i might end up being angry at him for leaving us like that, i think it was pretty selfish. Or I wonder what if we wronged him? Or what if there is some one else? What if he is not doing this of his own accord? How can I help him? Maybe he is sick or he just doesn't love us anymore, or perhaps the devil is using this to destroy our family. Buut, I pass it all to God because He knows whats going on and He is on our side, fighting for us. and because my God loves us, this too shall pass and I know He will use it for the better because we love him. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY, YOUR THE BEST!!!

March 10

Today i made an innocent mistake, yet my head was almost bitten off at the office! i was so hurt, so angry and just couldn't understand why no one understood that it could of happened to just anyone. It reminfds me of last night, my mom shouted at me so bad that i was so sure her life would be better off without me. It's amazing how one can make you feel so small, so unworthy, so stupid or something you just know your not! But in this i simply realised that when we are angry, we say pretty nasty things and hardly care about other people's feelings, after all why should others be happy if we are not? After we cool off, we then sort of wish we didn't say or do what we did. The bible teaches us to be slow to anger, quick to listen but with us it's just the other way around. Now the best way we learn things is when we encounter them, we get a feel of how a certain dish we cook for others actually tastes, and then it's up to us to change or not. Or atleast that's how it happens to me, i mean i have learnt how it feels to treat others a certain way through people treatig me the same way. So can we say that how others treat us affects the way we treat others? Or is it how we treat others that determines how they treat us? Either way, we can never be responsible for other poeples ways be it in action or speach but we are responsible for ours. Most things are easier said then done, that's if they can be done at all. But as much as i hate to admit, it's true that we are in control of our lifes, yes we dont know what tommorow holds, let alone the next minute but we can control ourselves, our emotions and how we react to certain things. Maybe am just writting but everything we do affects those around us and it's the little things that hurt or effect us the most. Next time before you react in anger, think, listen and think again. Words last a life time and once said can never be taken back, and people never forget how you made them feel.